PINE CANYON
The Rev. Dana Prom Smith, S.T.D., Ph.D. (7/25/06)

Curious about the rustications of the rich and famous, a friend wanted to see Pine Canyon. After we promised not to step outside of our automobile for fear of desecrating consecrated ground, a pleasantly agreeable young man allowed us to drive around the development.

With its ponds and rolling greens, Pine Canyon’s winding roads brought to mind the famous Forest Lawn cemeteries in Southern California. The landscaper at Pine Canyon seems to have drawn his inspiration from them, just as many architects of public buildings draw their inspiration from Sing Sing.

As with Forest Lawn, Pine Canyon has a funereal feeling, large houses on relatively small lots with no human interaction taking place in the spaces between the houses. It is not a lively joint, no sound of children at play, no neighbors chewing the rag over the back fence, no sidewalk passersby, no free radicals having coffee at Macy’s, no religious nut bags bent on converting the hapless. A realtor’s dream, it’s an empty picture-postcard perfection without a trace of human contamination. Without sidewalks Pine Canyon is not pedestrian friendly.

The houses and outbuildings resemble cemetery architecture, mausoleums modeled after Attic Greek temples. Only the models aren’t Greek, but rock and log cabins of western American circa 1850. Sorry no sod huts. As a pricey retreat, Pine Canyon doesn’t have cabins, merely the pretentious kitsch of mansions set in sterile splendor. The result is the architectural oxymoron of elegant rustic, a new frontier in bad taste.

Copyright © Dana Prom Smith 2006